Getting worse

I started this post yesterday. Actually I only set the tittle. I couldn't get around writing it.
I spent all day in the house, not doing anything. feeling very unsettled and anxious.
My head racing through conversations that I have had, and some that I just imagine I should have had, my chances of getting a job. How I can't figure out why I am not even getting invited for an interview, what is that I am not doing right.
Feeling like I am loosing my mind as my view of my partner and myself and the roles we played in the relationship constantly change... feeling like I can get a grip on reality.

Then feeling bad that I have not done anything 'productive', which is still hunting me today.
I am not entirely sure what I consider something productive though, it seems that whatever I do it is never goo enough.
However this week has been particularly bad. I have barely left the house, haven't felt like doing much. Have not really talked to anyone.

I feel as if my world is getting smaller and smaller.
Need to make changes, but not sure how, not sure if I have the energy, even less the self confidence required.
It is a vicious circle and I know it. The less you do, the less you want to do, the harder it feels to do things.
I should have seen this coming. Over the years I have noticed that probably the first sign that I am withdrawing is my attitude towards the phone. I just won't answer it. It starts not answering unknown numbers, because I don't know who is calling and that unsettles me, but then it extends to friends and family. The longer I go without talking to someone the less likely I am to take their call. It just feels harder, and I think to myself "I'll call them back tomorrow, I'll in a better mood".

This weekend we are going to see his family. Tonight we will stop at a friend's place.
Although I wasn't looking forward for it I think it will be good for me. I have to do most of the driving, which will be tiring, and the roads will be busy, so likely to be a long trip, but I have been in this house too long the last few days, so I think it will be good just to be somewhere else.

I am now thinking that next week I will start making changes. And while I think what changes I need I ask myself, why next week? why do I not start today? Isn't this the old trap that leads me to not change things, leaving it for later (tomorrow, next week...) ?