Trying to figure out what I am doing....

I couldn't help but to look back a bot on my previous post, and that seems to have changed what is in mind right away.
Feeling like following up on it a bit.
I had a "chat" with my partner, the "" is there because my tone was not the appropriate one for a chat. It was tense and I suppose one could say it was angry.
I seem to get very frustrated very quickly these days, though only with him.
I have been thinking a bit about my anger. It seems to be that I am angry with him, but I wonder to what extent I am angry with myself.
Last night I had one of those dreams where I am feeling angry and very powerless. In the dream I am powerless. I can't remember the details, but I know I have had similar dreams before. There is an overwhelming feeling of being powerless, I am getting into a fight and I don't seem to have any strength. I throw punches but the so completely lack strength that the other person barely even feels contact. also the reason why I am trying to hit someone is the result of uncontrollable anger and frustration. My weakness, which seems completely unnatural only contributes to me getting even more frustrated. I find these feelings of anger, frustration and helplessness very difficult, to the point of impossible, to handle.
and I wonder where the dream comes from. The same I wonder where my anger towards my partner comes from. sure he has hurt me and that is quite likely to manifest itself as anger, at least it is in my case. But I really feel like there is more to it.

Trying to make a relationship work is hard work. And I think I find difficult to manage the idea, or actually the fact, that part of it is out of my control.

We have had many talks about what we each want in a relationship, how we react to problems, what triggers old set defense mechanisms or unhelpful ways of coping, and what we can do about it. However I can only do so much. I can only do my part. I can't do or make him do the part he agrees to.
I get angry when he does or does not do certain things, I get frustrated that we have talk about it and agreed something and yet he doesn't do it. He apologises. I know one doesn't change in a day, but it has been a lot longer than that. I get frustrated that the apology doesn't actually solve anything for me. At this point I get annoyed not just about what cause me to be angry but also about the fact that I am angry and frustrated and I can get out of it. I can't soothe myself.

I believe this is the point when I get to feel so helpless, powerless, that I wonder what I am doing here. Why I am putting myself in this position. I can't decided whether I am more angry about the fact that he is how he is, or that I "stupidly" think that I can expect anything different. That I can expect him to change when I am not. I have done a lot of the things that he have agreed, I have done my best to be there for him the way he needs, but I have no even attempted to change the way I take certain things. I have negotiated, fought for him to change because I am so overwhelmed by these feelings, I feel so much at the mercy of those triggers and the subsequent chain reaction, that I have not even considered my part on this.
I have just put it forward as :"this is a basic requirement for me to be in a relationship". The this is not even as well defined as would like, or as it is probably necessary for someone to really understand, but that is too much to get into now. The main point for now, for me, is the realization that I have not even considered that I could take things differently. Of course it is there in theory, but I have not really considered it. I "knew" it wasn't an option for me. I guess there should be no surprise then I have those very intense feelings, dreams, of helplessness, and powerlessness.
I am seem to have decided to wait for someone to make me feel different. And when it doesn't happen I just try the same thing again, more talk, but the same situation. I am relying on someone else to kill my demons, and getting frustrated and angry when the fail. Yet doing it all over again and again. I am not leaving, I am not addressing my feelings, I am just pushing someone to change to battle the demons that i have apparently given up on. Even though they need to overcome theirs first. And then I wonder why it is not working.

If he really loves me he will do it, because it is what I need to be happy.
Never mind the fact that I have not been able to do it myself, and it is so dam important to me that I have decided not to try, but outsource it.