We were about 11 years old.
That day we were going out, we had an excursion. Once we had done the arranged visit, we were to make use of the fact that we were in the countryside and play sports outdoors. There were some public toilets around that we were to be used to get changed into the sport clothes, that we had been advised to carry with us.
I don’t remember the whole day very well. I remember that by the end of the afternoon, some of the girls and I had been talked into playing football with some of the boys. As we were playing the teacher called apart one of my friends and chat with her shortly. She did not come back to the game.
When we were all back to the restrooms to change back, the couple of us that were closer to her asked her happened. She looked upset.
She said the teacher had told her that her breast were starting to develop and she ought to wear a bra to school. She said the teacher seemed to be condemning the fact that her mother hadn’t taken care of that, since we were at a mixed school.
She asked us if we had noticed it, and we both said no at first, then she said to look at her carefully. By this time we were changing clothes and she was only wearing a thin T-shirt. Then we could see that her breasts were slightly developed compared to ours. But we wonder how the teacher could have noticed when she was wearing more clothes.
We had gone to a corner because she felt very self-conscious in front of all the other girls, though we weren’t that many students in the class.
I knew how she felt, she was ashamed. She had been made to feel “dirty” just for being as she was. She had been made to feel she ought to hide herself as if she was an indecency.
We had a little chat in the way to the bus; she was worried about the boys, as the teacher had made that remark about the school being mixed. My other friend soon would be in the same situation, as we realised once we examined our bodies a bit more in detail.
We convinced ourselves that the boys shouldn’t have any problems with it; didn’t all of them have mothers? And wasn’t the world just full of grown up women? But I think none of us felt very reassured.
A thought assaulted me: what was going to happen when my breast started to grow? My body was already getting too much attention from him.
Of course he would know, he would have known all along the changes that were going to happen.
I used to lie in bed wishing I would not grow breast, ever.
4 comments:
You explained perfectly the worries of growing up. Thank you for sharing. This teacher should have been fired for what she did. It was not her place to make such a statement to any young girl. If she had a problem, she should have spoken with the mother. Sometimes people have no sense at all!
Blessings to you!
I am so glad I found you again and you figured out a way to get another blog up.
As I said in my answer to you on my comments, I have always enjoyed reading your writing...no matter how long. I think it has true significant importance.
BTW, you can e-mail me anytime at thriver@survivorscanthrive.com
I am very impressed with the insight and bravery you had even as a young girl. You knew then, what many adults don't know now, and what I truly believe: when one shames a child, that is abuse! I'm so glad you did whatever you could to protect yourself. You knew better, and you knew you deserved better.
Don't you think there are many (MANY) kids out there today (AND adult survivors who were once kids) who could also get validation from your message? I sure do! It is my sincerest hope that you see the great value of your writing--stopping the silence, erasing the stigma, silencing the shame--and join us for the next blog carnival. We would all LOVE to have you join us.
Keep in mind, you're simply providing a link to something you've already written and posted. Please don't be too stressed about it. And everyone I've met so far who is involved is very supportive and accepting (anyone who is spamming or doesn't seem to meet this criteria doesn't get in--by me!) ;) You take care and keep up the GREAT work!
Mysti: I am glad it shows it. I am sure many girls, not only survivors, go through some of what this describes. My friends surely did.
marj: thank you very much for the reasurance.
I think maybe I had some insight as a child, but not that much bravery. I still feel I should have protected myself a lot more. I could have prevented a lot more.
The reason i knew she was ashmed is because i had felt that way.
I can´t remember now one specific situation, if I do I will write it, but in general lines. My father sometimes would provoke situations to be alone with me, my grandmother was usualy disaproving of those things, but she would put the blame on me. I felt in my friends eyes the shame I have felt myself.
I definetelly will try to come back to this.
I am going to check the carnival now.
so glad you're brave enough to post...I'm proud of you.
Alli from 63 Days
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